1. You are shouting
something from somewhere, only God knows what you’re saying. So I look up from
my desk and yell, ‘What did you say?” You shout back something, only God knows
what you’re saying. So, I grumble to myself, get up, walk to the top of the
stairs and yell, “What did you say?” And you shout back something, only God
knows what you’re saying. So, I hiss to myself, walk down the stairs, to the
door of the living room, and find you curled up on the couch reading. So, I
take a deep breath and ask quietly, “What did you say?” And, looking totally surprised
to see me there, you peer over your book and say, “Oh, I was just wondering
where you were.”
2. If I ask upstairs, then ask downstairs, then
ask before I start peeling it if you want dodo and you say, ‘No, no, no’. Then
I peel it and fry it, sit down to eat it, and you sit opposite me – and in the
name of ‘keeping me company’ – take one single dodo and put in your mouth. I
hate it.
3. When I am sleeping and you wake me up
because I am snoring. Honestly, before God and man, is it fair?
4. You complain and
complain that you take care of everybody in this house from morning till night
and nobody ever takes care of you. So I get up the next morning and say I will
make you breakfast, and you act excited and follow me to the kitchen. Then I
open the cupboard and select one pot, and you sigh like someone recently
bereaved. So, I ask, ‘What is it?’ And you say, ‘That is my wok. I only use it
when I’m making Chinese fried rice’. So I select another one, and you say, ‘Ehm,
I don't use that frying pan anymore.’ And I turn around and ask, “Should I let
you do this?” And you say, “Perhaps it is best”.
5. You come into
the sitting room. I am watching a movie. You ask, “What is that?” I press the
“i” button. You read the info and say, “This is a nice movie, why didn’t you
call me?” I say, “Sorry”. You sit down. Three seconds later, you ask me, “Who is
this man?” I say, “I don’t know. I have not watched the movie before.” Ten
seconds later you ask me, “Is he going to kill her?” I say, “I don’t know. I
have not watched the movie before.” Six seconds later you scream and ask me,
“Will she die?” Honestly, I hate it.
6. You hold up 2
dresses and ask me to pick one. I do a quick ‘tun-bum-tun-bum’ in my head and
point to the one in your right hand. “Really?” You look disappointed. “Doesn’t
it make me look fat?” So, I point to the one in your left hand. “Really?” You
look disappointed. “I think it makes me look short.”
7. When we are sitting at a table
somewhere and a girl with a ‘look at it’ bum walks past and you immediately start
looking into my eyes, and keep looking into my eyes till she has passed the point
where I can only see the glory by very obviously turning my head… Honestly,
before God and man, is this fair?
8. Now, you are frowning. So, I ask, “Is
everything ok?” You say, “Yes.” And I go back to writing this article. Please,
how is this ‘insensitive’?
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