YAGAZIE...

The first time I saw my wife, it was through a window. And, at first glance, it looked like that; like there was a lot more than a couple of meters between us.  Yes. It's one of the decisions I remember most clearly from those 'Umunna' meetings, the ones they held around that time when the same people that had warned us, all your lives, to stay away from women were now asking when we were bringing one back. They were the ones who drew our ears and said - Marry a girl 'from home'.

 

There are practical considerations, you see. Let no one deceive you; Love (if that's what you call what you feel when you look out the window and see someone who takes your breath away) won't last the journey from Abuja to Leru Junction. Because, underneath the make up and body spray, everyone carries habits and hungers rooted in the unique course of their own up bringing.

 

So, if you're like me, you wake up some mornings whistling, 'Chineke nke Igwe, I n'aputawo m, mgbe mmuo mu no na nsogbu; a ga m enye Gi ekele.' And, truth be told, it can be frustrating if the person lying beside you can't sing it too, just because she doesn't understand the language. Or your craving for 'iwu ngo' either. Yes. Some people grew up in homes where there were presents under the Christmas tree. And New Year eves were spent around the dinner table. Now, you're married to man who is rushing to attend an 'Umunna' meeting on New Year's Day.

 

Honestly, these things can break hearts. So, I understood my father's concern when I told him who she was, because English would have to be the primary means of communication between us. These sorts of things gain weight slowly; these things you said didn't matter on your wedding day - whether they believe in this God or in that one; whether they think a woman should kneel down when handing a cup of water to her husband's mother or not; whether they see the value in spending holidays in the village or not; what socio-cultural values they think your children should be immersed in. Honestly, things like these can break hearts.

 

So, sometimes, someone still comes up to us and launches into a flurried conversation, and when my wife smiles and says, "Ehm, you've lost me", they turn to me with a frown: "She is NOT Igbo?" Yes, but – I tend to add very quickly - she's learning. And – I also tend to add very quickly, especially after I get 'the eye' from her – it's my fault, seeing as I like speaking 'beke' so much at home. But some people don't know when to drop things. They begin to pontificate and wave fingers around the air, molding bricks out of their consternation and preparing to pile them on my woman's shoulders. So, I lose the polite smile and tell them – Igbo-speaking or non-Igbo-speaking, she is my wife, eh? Leave her for me.

 

And I'll tell you why. Because she got up this morning, and carried our two children (still sleeping) into the backseat of this 406. She held my hands and we prayed together, against the many things that can go wrong on these roads of life. And I got behind these wheels and drove her to this place where people eat things she never thought could be eaten. And even though we sat for hours in solid traffic – at Abaji, at Ajaokuta, at the madness that is 9^th Mile Corner – and a journey of seven hours stretched to thirteen; we talked, we laughed, we quarreled and made up, looked out of the windows and marveled at life together.

 

So, say what you like, but I've come to see that in this life the REAL test is always the journey. Yes. Not just in having things in common, but having the right kinds of things in common, the kinds of things that will hold when you come (as you must) to those speed bumps of disagreements, the long, windy paths of conflict, the spirit-sapping delays in everyone's path, where you choose either to throw hands up in exasperation, or roll up sleeves, get on knees, and patiently grow the things that are still missing.

 

And, even now, I can assure you, that of all the things we commonly nit-pick about – from tribe to language to faith to state of origin of prospective suitors – it is this one thing, Love (and by this read: a deep, cultivated and enduring RESPECT for each other, AND a willingness to ACT OUT, in the days that follow, the things so eloquently professed in the heat of passion) that brings with it the highest probability that we will overcome everything we meet on destiny's path, including the fact that you and I do not come from the same place, and reach the end of this enigmatic journey in peace.

 

True. It is my own wish for this year, dawning as it is with heavy clouds in the distance; that we will all remember, that even in the most difficult socio-cultural intersections, True Love is still able to forge the most stable homes. Yes. Yagazie. (Don't you see? How I say it is really irrelevant, it is what it means that matters. Yagazie. Let it be well with you in 2014, on your path and in all your ways.)

 

Image taken from:

http://shelovesher.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/journey1.jpg