If there’s something getting married has taught me about myself, it’s that I think too much. I see a nice dress and I think to myself – she looks really nice in that. Or I glance over and think – Wow! Her make-up is flawless. But then I notice she isn’t smiling, hasn’t been smiling all day. So, I try to make jokes, but they’re all dry, falling flat at her feet. And when I finally ask- what’s your problem? I’m told that I haven’t said anything all morning. Did you even notice that I made my hair? I did. I’m sure I said something about it. That’s how loud and clear my thoughts are to me. So, we quarrel - because she insists I should have said it, and I insist right back that it’s more important that I felt it.
To be honest, I do have a point. Too many fakes out there saying things they don’t feel. But! No one is a mind reader. And the ears are still an important gateway to the heart. Especially when the negative stuff finds its way to the tongue readily. And, trust me, it does. Like in the middle of that quarrel, when the heat rises, sharpening memory, bringing back into clear focus all the unkept promises. I don’t think my little corrections. This food is a bit salty. Or, you left the lights on in the sitting room all night. No problems vocalizing thoughts then. So, it suddenly seems like a big conspiracy – to speak out on her faults and be silent on her strengths. And grunts substitute for ‘thank you’; a nod in the place of ‘this is really nice’. That’s what makes it feel almost adulterous (just as painful) when I hand those same words over to the girl that brings our order to the table, with a wide smile too. Just being polite. Till I turn back to my girl – the one sitting with me at my table - and she’s looking at me with daggers in her eyes.
So, now I know. Saying something nasty hurts as much as not saying something nice. And you should never get so familiar you forget to be courteous. Because, honestly, that’s where it starts, the process of forgetting; when something stays long enough in your head, never coming out, it becomes a memory. Suddenly, passion becomes a memory; the slight excitement at the thought of seeing her becomes a memory; the surge of gratitude at the voluntary sacrifices he makes everyday becomes a memory. And everything is taken for granted. Including how they feel. It’s taken for granted that they KNOW – that we find them attractive and appreciate everything they do. So, logically, we stop making the effort to show it. And that’s when it becomes clear that Love doesn’t run on silent thoughts, no matter how flattering.
So, now, when I begin to forget, I pinch myself and say it out loud – You are beautiful. And so this Love breathes.
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